Easier Said Than Done
by Kalorii
Summary: Series of three drabbles involving Rabi and Allen. [RabiAllen]
1. Easier Said Than Done

_**DISCLAIMER:**__ I own nothing for D.Gray-man. Just borrowing the characters  
_

* * *

'Why can't Komui ever just do these things himself?' Rabi wondered as he made his way down the hallway.

Things were relatively calm in the Black Order's headquarters today but it seemed their commander had a task or two in store. Not for the Bookman, of course, but for Allen, who was currently taking a nap in his room.

As he passed by the other Exorcists, he nodded his head as they greeted him. They considered him their ally and Rabi desperately wished that he could return the favour. There was only one that made it difficult to _not_ do that. This led him to wonder exactly why that was. Of course, this meant that he had to accept the fact that Allen simply didn't prescribe to the same drumbeat as everyone else. Allen was like him.

He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his mind when he found the door to Allen's room, not bothering to knock as he opened the door. The mid-afternoon sun filtered through the window, giving the room a serene glow. How the young Exorcist could sleep like this eluded the redheaded Bookman.

Silently crossing the floor to the edge of Allen's bed, he looked down at the quietly sleeping form that hadn't moved an inch since he'd come in. Using that to his advantage, the Bookman sat on the edge of the bed. Only a moment later, he wondered what had possessed him to do that, considering it could have woken the sleeper up. But, turning around and seeing that he still hadn't moved, Rabi relaxed.

Just as he reached a hand out to shake Allen awake, the heavy sleeper rolled over, revealing a troubled expression on his face. It was clear that he was having a nightmare. Shocked for a moment, his hand still outstretched, Rabi relaxed once more, sighing ever so lightly.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen Allen having nightmares. Being a Bookman, it was his duty to know why. He had read the files on Allen Walker, even before he had met him, on the train to the rewinding town. Unbeknown to the young Exorcist, he'd already captured Rabi's attention long before they'd met face-to-face.

Silently chastising himself for letting his mind wander yet again, Rabi looked down at Allen, who was still trapped in whatever nightmare had entered his mind. The Bookman frowned slightly, finally moving his outstretched hand, gently placing it on Allen's forehead. Rabi felt a little awkward for doing it, the reminder of who he was and who Allen was gnawing at the back of his mind.

None of that really mattered in this moment, he reminded himself. 'Just a little moment of indulgence never hurt anyone.' he thought to himself as his thumb traced a path over the pentacle on Allen's forehead. Rabi couldn't help but smile as the young Exorcist's face relaxed. If anyone were around - or awake - to see the Bookman's smile however, they would have noticed that it was a bitter one, mixed with a tint of regret.

"Dammit," Rabi whispered lightly, still not wishing to wake his friend up. "How is it I can love you and hate you?"

Upon voicing this, the redhead removed his hand from Allen's forehead and cursed under his breath. No matter what he did, he knew he could never truly be with him. But it was so easy to forget what his true duties were and focus on them when Allen was around. It was for that reason that led to his conflicted feelings and made his life much more difficult than it had to be. In some respects, he wished he'd never met the Exorcist to begin with.

With some difficulty, Rabi pushed down his frustration and put his hand on Allen's shoulder, shaking him a little roughly. "Rise and shine, beansprout."

Allen made a little noise of protest before his eyes fluttered open. "Rabi...?" he muttered before he yawned and stretched a bit.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Komui needs to see you. I think you've had enough beauty rest, yeah?" With the message delivered and not being in the mood to stick around at the moment, Rabi got up from the bed and made his way to the door.

"So it was real," the white-haired Exorcist whispered, causing the Bookman to stop in his tracks. Allen seemed to realize what he'd said and looked at his friend, a mix of sadness and something else Rabi couldn't identify on his features. "It's nothing," he finally uttered quietly after a few moments of silence, getting up from his resting place.

Rabi stood there for a moment longer before giving a short, mirthless laugh. "Yeah. It's nothing."

"But it could be if we wanted it to be."

Hearing that, the Bookman merely smiled lightly and shook his head. "You know we couldn't. Just leave it at that, beansprout."

Before he could hear any protest, Rabi left the room. Instead of going down the hall again however, he leaned against the door, putting his hand to his forehead, Bookman's voice echoing in his ears.

_"A Bookman has no need for a heart."_

"Easier said than done, gramps," he muttered quietly to himself with a smile. "As long as he's here, that's easier said than done."


	2. Rare, Peaceful Moments

_**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing for D.Gray-man. Just borrowing the characters_

* * *

The walk from one station to another wasn't in our plans. I had wanted to ride straight through but my travelling companion seemed to have other ideas in mind.

It was because of this that we found ourselves lying under the shade of a tree. Though the area we were in wasn't exactly secluded, it was fairly less travelled. I might have been a little more concerned otherwise. What would people think if they saw two male Exorcists so close together? I had to admit that Rabi made a comfortable, make-shift bed.

"If we take this station, we can bypass the extra transfer here." A slender finger pointed at the map in front of my nose, nearly hitting it in the process due to my mind wandering. Clearly he noticed this and I heard him chuckle slightly. "Or I could just lay here and talk to myself."

Blinking and shaking my head to clear it of its thoughts, I smiled at him, looking where his finger was pointing. It seemed to be a considerable distance from where we currently were. "But that's so far away," I whined, vocalizing my displeasure.

The map was taken away and folded neatly to be put down beside us, feeling his hands press at my sides and lift me up further from my resting spot on my boyfriend's body. No matter how often I referred to him as that in my mind, it was still difficult to say it. When you have to hide something, the transition between what you see and what you want others to see is difficult.

"It's not that far, yeah? And we don't have to be there for another three days," he said quietly, grinning up at me with that little grin that broke my resolve every time I saw it.

"What are you suggesting?" I ask, a small and mischievous smile playing on my lips. His only response was to widen his grin slightly and arch his visible eyebrow.

It wouldn't be the first time we'd wasted time that could have been used to go to our original destination. He was a terrible influence on me, this Bookman-in-training. I used to be so punctual, so "by-the-rules". Now I found that I liked breaking the rules and being late. But breaking the rules was something that couldn't be helped considering our situation.

"But we can't afford to be late this time. What if they start to suspect something?" I knew it was really futile to argue but I had to at least try, right?

As expected, Rabi shook his head and kept on grinning at me. Even through the thick cloth of my Exorcist's robe I could feel his hand lightly rubbing at my back. His other hand came up to rest on my cheek, the serene look on his face being all I needed to smile back and ignore my own worries.

We lay like this in silence for what felt like an eternity to me, letting the rare, peaceful moment speak for us. Being Exorcists, we rarely got the opportunity to relax. It was even more precious for Rabi and me, considering our obviously conflicting stations in life. Even if we tended to ignore them, it didn't mean that everyone else would.

I remembered the shaky beginning of our relationship. I don't know who was more nervous but it was me who let his emotions get the better of him first. I know how lucky I am to have him return my feelings but, at the same time, I worried for him. With that title of "Bookman" hanging over his head, it was something that was more difficult to ignore. At times I've felt incredibly selfish, wanting him to just forget it and to keep him to myself. I love him but I know I can't ask that of him.

"It's been nearly a year now, hasn't it?"

I blinked as my lover's voice cut through my thoughts. "Already? It feels like it's been shorter somehow."

Rabi shook his head just once, the thumb from the hand on my cheek brushing over my curse mark gently. "I'm more surprised by the fact we haven't even come close to being caught." His soft smile turned to a grin that was almost too mischievous for an Exorcist. "But that's just part of the fun, yeah?"

I could hear the tone in his voice; guilt mixed with nervousness. As I always did when his own worries got the better of him, I put a reassuring hand on his cheek. My fingers lightly brushed the patch over his right eye, the one part of him I still haven't seen what was underneath. "We're too clever to get caught," I whisper to him gently.

This seems to soothe some of his fears but I feel his hand press me closer to him possessively. "We can't hide forever, beansprout."

Frowning slightly, I knew he was right. No matter how good we were with being secretive, our relationship was bound to be discovered at some point. But the thought didn't bother me so much now as it did in the first few months of our sneaking around. I knew now what I wanted.

Possibly sensing my thoughts or simply for his own reassurance, Rabi lifted his head and pressed his lips to mine. He was an amazing kisser, knowing just what would incite certain reactions in me, as if he'd memorized every last inch of my mouth.

Now smiling again, he ended the kiss, releasing my lips and resting his head against the tree trunk again. "Things will work out, yeah?" he mumbled and this time, I could hear the conviction in his voice.

I licked my lips, which still had the lingering feelings of his on them. Smiling contentedly, I nodded once in agreement.

Somehow, I knew that Rabi had made his decision, too. It wouldn't be easy but we would make it work and overcome the obstacles in our way. As long as he was by my side, nothing would tear me away from him.


	3. You'll Always Be

_**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing for D.Gray-man. Just borrowing the characters_

* * *

Allen sighed lightly as he walked slowly over the rain-drenched grass. Timcanpy flew over his head, drifting along with the cool breeze that blew. This wasn't an ordinary stroll through a summer rain. The young Exorcist was looking for someone. He raised his head, giving his golden companion a solemn smile. "Did you spot him, Timcanpy?"

In response to this, the Golem flew ahead a little, making sure his master kept up with him. It was a kind gesture but an unneeded one as Allen was having no trouble following. As soon as they had passed over a hill, it was Tim's turn to hurry, flapping his wings as fast as they would carry him.

Slowing down as he approached the red-haired, huddled mass under the tree, Allen took a deep breath and fell to his knees behind it. He wrapped his arms around Rabi's shoulders, resting his head on his friend's - no, boyfriend's - back. There was no movement or sound to show that he had noticed Allen's approach or current actions, which didn't deter him in the least.

"You had me worried," Allen whispered lightly, breaking the silence between them. Still getting no response, he lightly nuzzled Rabi's back. "You didn't stick around for very long afterwards."

A small shift and a light sigh came from the redhead. "I didn't want to, beansprout."

Keeping a hand on Rabi's arm, Allen crawled to kneel in front of his lover. The white-haired boy still had a sweet smile on his lips, which was the first thing that greeted the sad, green eye that looked up at him.

The look of sadness turned to one of brief shock. "They took your robes?" he asked, reaching a hand out and cupping Allen's cheek.

"Of course. I had my title as Exorcist revoked." His face faltered a little but he brought a hand up to cover Rabi's and his light smile returned. "It's not important."

A scoff was the reply to this statement. "Don't give me that. You loved to be an Exorcist." His other hand darted out to rest on Allen's other cheek. "Don't tell me it's 'not important'."

Reaching up to put his hand on Rabi's cheek, Allen merely increased the size of his smile. "It's not. If I have to ignore what I feel and lie to everyone around me, I don't want any part of that," he whispered. "_You_ are what's important to me now."

The two sat there in silence, the cool rains falling over them still. But one was merely waiting for what he'd said to sink in, while the other was in quiet shock. The truth was slow to set in for the ex-Bookman, but once it did, he finally smiled and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the teen's.

"I guess we're on our own now, yeah?"

A brief nod and a sigh. "I guess so."

Finally, Rabi moved and embraced his young lover. Once more they sat in silence as Allen returned and snuggled into the embrace. When he couldn't stand it anymore, the redhead felt the need to break it with something. Something comforting, perhaps.

"You'll always be my Exorcist, beansprout."

The sappy line got a light chuckle but Allen nuzzled into Rabi's chest before looking up to him slightly, that beautiful smile on his face. Though they'd lost everything that day, they'd gained it all back in these moments. Alone they would be, shunned by their former comrades, but they'd have each other. And that, was all they'd need.

"And you'll always be my Bookman."


End file.
